I Hate It.

There’s a specific window of time necessary for me to like something I made. Immediately after I finish something, when I look at it in it’s entirety for the first time instead of focusing on details, is usually when my hatred is strongest. The next day, I’m a little kinder, Then I have about a year before I hate it again. Abstracts so far have been unusual in that it depends entirely on how I look it it. My feelings toward them flip back and forth at unparalleled rates. Naturally, that makes things more difficult when I try to sell anything I make. My assurances that I’ll eventually be a rich and famous author are lost on Dad, who’s trying to teach me to “value my product” or something. Self marketing is a definitely a blind spot for me, and I’m sure for a lot of other people in creative markets in general. The problem is the objective nature of the product. I saw a piece of art today that had been carefully hung and lit, and occupied a prominent place in a house. I wasn’t really a fan, but the owner clearly saw something in it that I didn’t see. In a way it was validating. There was a market for this thing that I couldn’t value. Maybe the same can be said for my paintings. I can’t value them now, but maybe one day I will be able to. Or maybe I’ll find their market, whether I value them or not.

These little guys have Dad’s stamp of approval. He assured me he was being objective, but I’m not sure I buy it. Either way, he suggested I make little labels for them, like they do in art galleries. Who I am, what they are, 1 of 2, etcetera. I did, to make them look more official, and possibly worth human money. I also signed them all with a pin while hyped up on caffeine, which added it’s own level of difficulty.


It kind of did help me look at them more objectively. I still feel weird about charging a person money for something I painted. Even if it did take hours and little paintbrushes and money towards supplies.


2 thoughts on “I Hate It.

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