I’m starting to understand the purpose of hope chests. As dumb as they always used to sound, I’m finding myself hoarding a few things in a box on a shelf in my closet. Plates from an Anthropologie after Christmas sale. Salt and pepper shakers from a gift shop. Things for later, when I have my own place. My Pinterest boards are filling up with home DIYs and decoration ideas. I’m decorating rooms in my mind. Although to be fair, I’ve done that since I was a kid. I’m just itching to move on with my life. Not in the context of a relationship, just moving forward. I’ve been in school for four years. I get that that’s the norm, but disconnect from it for a minute and think about it. Four years of your life, devoted to studying textbooks, writing papers, crying over math assignments, etc. It doesn’t feel like moving forwards. Even though I’ve been working towards my degree all this time, it’s felt like running on a treadmill, with my life dangling in front of me, perpetually out of reach. With the year that will be on my diploma starting in just a few days, at least it feels more attainable. I can start to believe that maybe I actually will graduate. And because of that knowledge alone, I think 2015 will be a better year.
I’m craving change right now. 2014 wasn’t especially notable for me. But I feel like 2015 will be better. It’s a common sentiment. New Years is a notoriously optimistic time of year. But I really do believe it. I have more to look forward to than I did this time last year. None of it’s certain, but that’s exciting too. I’m so tired of knowing what my days are going to look like. I’m going to get up, have some coffee, study in the same room as always, run some errands, probably pick up some chips at the gas station, repeat ad infinitum. But New Years at least breaks up the ad infinitum. The new year hasn’t officially started, so, it can be anything. That said, I don’t want to expect too much. I still want life to surprise me. I don’t want to predict everything, and I also don’t want to hold myself up to unrealistic expectations. So, have a happy New Year. Be optimistic, enjoy the newness, but don’t set yourself up for future disappointment.