Damn it, I want to write. It’s 8:20 at night and I’m sitting at my desk with an obvious nighttime scene out my window. Any studying I do right now will be completely useless. With my current crazy schedules, I no longer think, “wouldn’t it be nice if I…” and then do it. Because yes, yes it would be nice if I did that thing, but I probably don’t have the time, so I won’t. In order to purposefully set aside a schoolbook and accept that I’m done studying, I have to have a more adamant mindset. Mental swearing is almost always involved. So fine, I’m done studying. Forget the fact that today has been completely unproductive.
I can’t wait until I graduate. I know that after school comes work, but I don’t care. That may sound like a recklessly youthful sentiment, and I should just enjoy being a kid, stop putting so much pressure on myself, and whatever else adults tell me. But if I do that then I might as well stop feeling awkward in my own skin, will myself to be a brilliant author, and shit diamonds. I’ll get right on that. In the meantime, here on earth, I’d rather think about attainable things.